God of My Everything

As a general rule, my posts tend to flow from what God is teaching me, something that God has brought to my attention as I'm studying His word and which He seems to be repeatedly pressing on my heart and mind.  But maybe you've noticed that my blog has been rather silent lately.  I've had a lot on my plate of late, and I've been leaning heavily on this crutch.  We've recently moved, found out that we're expecting our fourth child in February, found opportunities to get involved within our new church home, and I've begun homeschooling the boys to prepare them for kindergarten.  But truth be told, I've been trudging along through the midst of a spiritual valley, a dry spell in my Christian walk, and it feels as though God hasn't had much to say to me at all lately. 

It's difficult for me to wake up early in order to have my quiet time before the kids get up.  The burning hunger for God's word feels as though it has temporarily waned.  Amidst the good days, there are often days when I struggle to pray, becoming easily distracted by my thoughts and my environment, and it feels as though the prayers that I do utter are often merely bouncing off the ceiling.  The joy which was so pronounced just weeks ago has been displaced by dullness, and the aching desire for God's presence which made me anxious to wake up in the morning in order to talk with Him and read His word has been replaced with a sense of obligation.  I've spent many mornings examining myself, asking God to search me to see if there is any wicked way in me (Psalm 139:23-24), and I've come up empty-handed, finding no reason, no besetting sin, aside from the doubts and selfish thoughts that have reared their ugly heads in this valley.  There have been many mornings over the last few weeks in which my prayers have been flooded with confessions of doubt and lack of desire for Him, and this morning was one such morning.

In the past, this is the point at which I would give up, the point in which my growth in Christ would become stunted.  In the past, the fresh green growth of my spring would have become frost-bitten by a premature winter, withering this branch, and precluding the growth of fruit in my Christian walk.  But this isn't the past.

I've had one of Bebo Norman's newer songs on my playlist for a while, and it has somehow managed to elude me until this morning.  This song spoke volumes to me this morning: God of My Everything - Bebo Norman.  The essence of the song is that God is the unchanging God of everything about me.  He's the God of my strengths, God of my weaknesses, God of my mountain-tops, and God of my valleys.  He's the God of my mornings when I anxiously desire to seek Him, and the God of my mornings when I seek Him out of reluctant obedience.  He always has been, and He always will be the God of My Everything. 

And though He may appear so differently to me right now, He hasn't changed, and He hasn't moved.  The God of My Everything is immutable.  There is no variation in Him, or even a shadow of change. (James 1:17)  He loves me as much in my valleys as He does on my mountain-tops.  And He has promised me that when I call on Him and seek Him, that He will hear me, and I will find Him. (Jeremiah 29:12-13)  If I draw close to Him, He will draw close to me. (James 4:8)  If I wait on Him, He will renew my strength, and I will soar. (Isaiah 40:31)  This light affliction is just for a moment, but it will bring about in me an unfathomable eternal glory. (2 Corinthians 4:17)  And the next time that I'm standing on the top of the mountain, He will be the God of My Victory.

I'm so thankful for His promises, for His word, for the mountains that I've been on, for the way in which He spoke to me this morning, and for this glimpse that He's given me of the next mountain that I will climb.  And I'm so intensely looking forward to the journey from the valley to the mountain-top.  But most of all, I'm looking forward to making this journey with the loving, faithful, immutable God of My Everything at my side.