Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

This past Sunday we celebrated Easter Sunday. I cannot recall Easter ever being anything other than a gloriously sunny and beautiful day, and Sunday was no exception. But this Easter was particularly sweet to me, as over the last year I have grown tremendously in my relationship with Christ.

I look back over the last 20+ years since I was saved, and I see that it took over two decades for me to mature from Christian infancy to adolescence, if I can claim it was even that far. Throughout my Christian walk, I've risen and fallen on the waves of emotions and doubts that stem from a Christianity steeped in tradition, cluttered with ideology accepted on blind faith. I practiced a casual faith and lived a life of general morality, but a close look would have revealed a life of devotion to only myself, resulting in many mistakes and many regrets - regrets both for wasted time, and regrets for marring the reputation of Christ by claiming to be a Christian and yet not striving to serve Him in holiness and sincerity. In all reality, there was nothing to distinguish me from the unbeliever who also lived a life of morality and philanthropy.

Yet by the grace of God, over the last year I've found true joy, true happiness - something I've been itching to share with so many people. But truth be told, I've felt as though I'm not worthy to share my thoughts and convictions, knowing that my past is littered with the hypocrisy of pride, self-righteousness, gossip...and the list goes on. And I guess I wondered who would listen to me, knowing that I never fully exemplified a life sold out to the God whom I claimed to love and serve. I've been terribly imperfect. I've been utterly foolish. I've been selfish. I've been wrong. And then this weekend it dawned on me...that's the whole point.

If I were perfect, I wouldn't need my Savior. Christ didn't come to call the righteous. He came to call sinners. (Luke 5:32) Wow, that's me. He came to call me. And I'm still just astonished and astounded at how God has managed to transform this pitiful soul into someone who seeks only to serve and glorify Him in every aspect of my being. And I'm so intensely thankful, so overwhelmed with love for my Savior. I'm so profoundly changed from the inside out. I don't ever want to go back to who I was. I don't ever want to be considered mediocre for the sake of Christ.

I've been studying in Philippians chapter 1, and I've been confounded by Paul's perspective of his own life. To him life was nothing more than an opportunity to magnify Christ in his body, and death was the precious reward of finally being present with Christ, free from the bondage of humanity. I'm immediately struck by Paul's confidence in his salvation and by his devotion to his Savior. God has graciously eased my doubts and replaced them with a confidence like that of Paul. In return, I so long to be whole-heartedly devoted to my God, to serve him, that Christ will be exalted in my body, in life or in death. This passage (particularly verses 20-26) has become very dear to me, and I've decided that Philippians is the next book to memorize. After learning James, I didn't think any book could equal it in terms of my endearment, but I've been proven wrong.

That being said, I want to encourage you to surrender yourself to the God who created you, the God who graciously extended salvation to you through the sacrifice of Christ. If you've accepted that gift, I want to encourage you to break away from the 'tradition' of Christianity - the tradition of saying you're a Christian, or attending church on a regular basis, but never really seeking God. James 4:8 tells us that if we draw close to God, He will draw close to you. Make a commitment to get up early to read your Bible and pray. Don't continue to rob yourself of the joy that's found in total surrender to your creator. You'll never really know what you're missing, but I can testify first-hand that it's something big.

Don't Forget to Remember

I've been studying Deuteronomy 6 lately, which was Moses' exhortation to the Israelites before they entered into Canaan. There's a lot of meat in this chapter, and it's just an incredible passage to commit to memory if you're up to it. But lately, these three verses are the ones that have really stood out to me, with my personal emphasis added.

Deuteronomy 6:
10 "When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you - a land with large flourishing cities you did not build,
11 Houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant, then when you eat and are satisfied,
12 Be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."

Here, the Israelites were preparing to enter into the promised land. They were about to experience the life they'd been dreaming of for 40+ years, the land flowing with milk and honey...beautiful homes pre-filled with beautiful things, plenty of water, and plenty of food. This was their chance to eat and be satisfied. And with their future holding years of having their needs met without ever lacking for anything, Moses saw the danger that could arise...they would begin to forget the origin of their prosperity.

He wanted to warn them that they did not build the cities in which they lived, or the houses in which they dwelled. They didn't dig the wells from which they drew water, and they didn't plant the gardens from which they harvested their food. In fact, they weren't even responsible for their own freedom. It was God who freed them from bondage to Egypt, and it was God who ushered them into the lap of luxury in their new promised land.

I live in a home which God has given us the means to afford. I drive to the store in a car that He bestowed to us so that I can buy goods with the money that He allows us to earn. I eat the food He enables me to prepare. I spend the day He made, making my home into a refuge for the husband He blessed me with, and a place of nurture and instruction for the three beautiful children He gave us. And when it comes right down to it, I will breathe the air He created using the lungs He formed in me, only for the length of time He grants me on this earth.

I need to be careful not to forget the God who has blessed me beyond measure. I need to be careful not to forget the God who freed me from the bondage of sin. And since nothing that I have is my own, and everything that I have has been given to me, I need to be careful not to be a poor steward of the resources that He has granted me...my time, my money, my talents.

Thank God for His blessings in my life. Now, may I "walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls me into His own kingdom and glory." (I Thess. 2:12)

Whose Blood's On Your Hands?

"Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men..."
II Corinthians 5:11a

I'm a go-with-the-flow kind of gal. I'm shy and reserved, not one to stand out in the crowd; I just want to blend in. I do my best not to step on anyone's toes or to cause a commotion. I'd rather just keep my mouth shut about my beliefs for fear of criticism or ridicule. It's easy to practice tolerance in order to avoid conflict. And from the above statements, two things can be inferred: (1) Either I don't really believe what I say I believe, or (2) I'm so selfish that would rather save myself some embarrassment than share with those around me the eternal consequences of living a life of sin.

So, here's the thing: I really do believe what I say I believe. I believe that God created this universe and everyone in it. I believe that mankind is sinful and falls short of God's perfection and is consequently destined for eternal condemnation, unless intercession is made. But I also believe that God did intercede by offering His Son to take the punishment for our sins. I believe that God graciously offers us atonement, and that all we have to do is repent and acknowledge His Son as Savior and accept His grace - not because we've earned it; not because we deserve it, but because God's benevolence is true regardless of who we are.

That being said, one can only conclude that the latter is true: I'm entirely selfish. I clearly rank my temporal pride above the eternal souls of those around me - my family, my friends, those whom I'm supposed to love. If I really know 'the terror of the Lord,' the power and might of the God that spoke this world into existence and could just as easily remove it, why am I not working to persuade those around me that there are eternal consequences for our sin, and that, praise God, there is also absolution? And though I may be thought ignorant or deluded, the worst one can say is that I was willing to subject myself to the ridicule of others by placing their interests above my own.

Ezekial 33 is a passage that most Christians don't want to hear. I would most definitely recommend reading it, but I'll sum it up for you quickly:
God told Ezekial a hypothetical story of an enemy attacking a land. This land had a watchman standing guard who saw the enemy coming, and he did his best to alert the people of the land. But the people didn't listen, and they were slaughtered. In this case the watchmen was not responsible for their deaths because he tried to warn them, and they chose to disregard his warnings. However, if the watchman had seen the enemy approaching and had chosen not to warn the people, he would be entirely responsible for their demise. Their blood would be on his hands. God proceeds to tell Ezekial that He has commanded for Ezekial to warn the people of Israel of the consequences for their sins, and that if he chooses to ignore this commandment, then their blood will be on his hands.

As a Christian, I've been commanded to share, just as Ezekiel was. (Mark 16:15 is just one example of this commandment.) So, my question is, "Who's blood is on my hands?" How many people have come in and out of my life that I will be called to reckon for? I'm looking at my hands right now, and they're filthy, and I can hardly stand to think about it. But more importantly, how many people do I plan to let go by in the future without being faithful in sharing what God has done in my life and can do in theirs? I'll tell you one thing, I hope it's zero. I pray that it's zero. I want clean hands. I want a clean conscience. I want that way more than I want to be accepted or liked.

Bro. Glenn spoke on this tonight, and while it was nothing new to me, it was something I needed to hear. I needed somebody to step on my toes, and I'm thankful to be in a church where the Word of God is primary, and where conviction trumps contentment (which is really just complacency) any day of the week. Thank God for the faithful messengers at East Memorial Baptist Church. And here's to living a life of shameless proclamation of what God has done in my life. I was lost, but thank God, He found me.

There Aren't Any Monkeys In My Family Tree

"Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:19, 20

I was saved when I was 6 years old. I still remember it vividly to this day. The fear of walking in front of an auditorium full of fellow VBS-goers, the feeling of warmth and excitement as the Holy Spirit entered to make my heart His dwelling place...these are just two of the things I will not forget about that day.

It's been 23 years since that day, and I will confess that there have been times I have doubted its significance. To place your faith in a God that cannot be seen is an arduous task. In my brief moments of doubt, I find myself thinking back on that day, and especially on the moment, when I without a doubt felt the presence of God. I was acutely aware of His presence, and I was flooded with peace, relief, and, most of all, joy. I was saved. I was redeemed. And I knew it. I knew that something was different. I felt it.

However, many would argue that feelings cannot always be trusted, and I would have to agree. Were my feelings my only assurance, doubt would most likely still reign. But my assurance in the existence of God lies not only in my encounter with His presence. I see Him. Or rather, I see His signature in what He has created. The complexity of life, the delicate balance of nature, I cannot believe that these things just happened. As a mother of three children, I can attest to the fact that order does not stem from chaos without active participation on someone's part. I certainly wish that dinner just fixed itself, that the clothes washed and folded themselves, that toys migrated back to the toybox...but we all know that's not the case. :)

This world screams of a creator. As intelligent beings, we are unable to understand, let alone replicate, the human body. How then could something so complex that it cannot be entirely undestood simply form into existence without design, without forethought? Even an amoeba, a single-celled organism, the most basic of living creatures, is so complex that it cannot be replicated. Consider the precision of nature, the fundamental parameters that make life possible. The concentration of oxygen in the air we breathe is exactly that necessary for our survival. The position of the Earth in its revolution about the sun provides for the exact range of temperature required. The gravitational force found here on earth is precisely that necessary to ensure that all beings can function as necessary. The list goes on. Even the slightest change in any one of these parameters would make life impossible.

The Bible says in Romans 1 that we are all without excuse. It says that we find evidence of God just by looking at nature. I will be the first to admit, there are times when I consider what my faith looks like to those on the outside, and I think to myself, "I must look like a fool to these people. Here I am, talking about having eternal security in a man who lived 2000 years ago." But then I think about this universe in which we live, and I have not a doubt in my mind that I was created. I didn't come from apes. I didn't just happen. You didn't just happen. We were designed.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately; I'm not really sure why. I know that arguing my faith is pointless. You can tell a bachelor how great marriage is all you want, but until he finds the woman that he loves, and he wants to get married, he'll never believe you. But if you've read this far, then hopefully you've taken a moment to realize what an incomprehensible creation you are. You did not happened by luck or coincidence. You were created.

My Blogging Debut

So, I'm joining the masses, starting my own blog. Not that much of interest goes on inside this head of mine, but my reasons are two-fold: there are things I want my children to remember, and there are things, spiritual things, that I hope to gain and share with others along the way. Not to mention that I could use an exercise in grammar...I imagine that English teachers would cringe at my use of the word 'things' in the previous sentence. :) Nevertheless, my blog goes on.

Life is busy. I'm convinced that one's time can just as easily be consumed with no children as it can with three. Thinking back on when John and I first married, I wonder what I did with my time, how I rarely seemed to have a spare moment to spend with God. And while I often find myself in the same position now, struggling to fit a little quiet time into my day, I realize that it is a matter of priority.

I want my children to see in me an example to follow, something that makes them want what I have in my relationship with God through Christ. If there is one thing that I couldn't bear, it would be to know that my children chose to be eternally seperated from God. I cannot think of anything that would be more devastating. And so, as a final note, I want to leave a passage for my kids. My prayer for them comes from Ephesians 3:14-19:

"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God."

That you know His love and that Christ dwells in your hearts by faith. That's my prayer for you, my precious three. I love you more than words can express, but that doesn't mean that I won't try to find the words. It just means that I'll need a running blog to get started. :)