This past Sunday we celebrated Easter Sunday. I cannot recall Easter ever being anything other than a gloriously sunny and beautiful day, and Sunday was no exception. But this Easter was particularly sweet to me, as over the last year I have grown tremendously in my relationship with Christ.
I look back over the last 20+ years since I was saved, and I see that it took over two decades for me to mature from Christian infancy to adolescence, if I can claim it was even that far. Throughout my Christian walk, I've risen and fallen on the waves of emotions and doubts that stem from a Christianity steeped in tradition, cluttered with ideology accepted on blind faith. I practiced a casual faith and lived a life of general morality, but a close look would have revealed a life of devotion to only myself, resulting in many mistakes and many regrets - regrets both for wasted time, and regrets for marring the reputation of Christ by claiming to be a Christian and yet not striving to serve Him in holiness and sincerity. In all reality, there was nothing to distinguish me from the unbeliever who also lived a life of morality and philanthropy.
Yet by the grace of God, over the last year I've found true joy, true happiness - something I've been itching to share with so many people. But truth be told, I've felt as though I'm not worthy to share my thoughts and convictions, knowing that my past is littered with the hypocrisy of pride, self-righteousness, gossip...and the list goes on. And I guess I wondered who would listen to me, knowing that I never fully exemplified a life sold out to the God whom I claimed to love and serve. I've been terribly imperfect. I've been utterly foolish. I've been selfish. I've been wrong. And then this weekend it dawned on me...that's the whole point.
If I were perfect, I wouldn't need my Savior. Christ didn't come to call the righteous. He came to call sinners. (Luke 5:32) Wow, that's me. He came to call me. And I'm still just astonished and astounded at how God has managed to transform this pitiful soul into someone who seeks only to serve and glorify Him in every aspect of my being. And I'm so intensely thankful, so overwhelmed with love for my Savior. I'm so profoundly changed from the inside out. I don't ever want to go back to who I was. I don't ever want to be considered mediocre for the sake of Christ.
I've been studying in Philippians chapter 1, and I've been confounded by Paul's perspective of his own life. To him life was nothing more than an opportunity to magnify Christ in his body, and death was the precious reward of finally being present with Christ, free from the bondage of humanity. I'm immediately struck by Paul's confidence in his salvation and by his devotion to his Savior. God has graciously eased my doubts and replaced them with a confidence like that of Paul. In return, I so long to be whole-heartedly devoted to my God, to serve him, that Christ will be exalted in my body, in life or in death. This passage (particularly verses 20-26) has become very dear to me, and I've decided that Philippians is the next book to memorize. After learning James, I didn't think any book could equal it in terms of my endearment, but I've been proven wrong.
That being said, I want to encourage you to surrender yourself to the God who created you, the God who graciously extended salvation to you through the sacrifice of Christ. If you've accepted that gift, I want to encourage you to break away from the 'tradition' of Christianity - the tradition of saying you're a Christian, or attending church on a regular basis, but never really seeking God. James 4:8 tells us that if we draw close to God, He will draw close to you. Make a commitment to get up early to read your Bible and pray. Don't continue to rob yourself of the joy that's found in total surrender to your creator. You'll never really know what you're missing, but I can testify first-hand that it's something big.
